Wise Caregiving: ‘Toxic Positivity’ vs Validation

Wise Caregiving Toxic Positivity vs Validation

Ask anyone you know who has been the caregiver for one of their family members about the complexities of their roles. They become a nurse, companion, counselor, errand-runner, and so much more. One of the most difficult aspects of the “job” is knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to say it when a loved one is struggling with anxiety and negativity.

Toxic Positivity vs. Validation & Hope

While private duty home health care agencies and nursing services receive training on the difference between offering validation and hope vs. going overboard into toxic positivity, most people have no such training. There is no magic switch that turns dark clouds into sunshine. Many people who are home-bound are in situations unlikely to resolve themselves any time soon. So how do you help? How can you be a wise caregiver?

It’s OK to be Sad & Angry

If you’ve ever faced a truly rotten situation, you know how emotions become intense. You might feel outraged and mad at the whole universe. The LAST thing you want to hear at that moment is, “you’ll get over it” or “just be positive.” Such statements come across as trite and dismissive.

Now apply the same idea to caregiving. Your loved one wants to know their feelings have merit. Of course, you don’t want them wallowing in negativity 24-7, but you also have to recognize that a person is ready to change their outlook when THEY want to, not when you want them to. Here are some better responses to an elongated case of the blues:

  • This situation is hard, but I believe in you. I’m here if you need to talk, or just hold space. 
  • I don’t mind hearing how you feel. No judgment!
  • It’s perfectly normal to feel as you do. I’m here for you. How can I help make your day better?

Wise Caregiving Toxic Positivity vs Validation

 

Never offer false hope or reassurances

In effect, toxic positivity sounds impersonal, fake, or even insulting. They’re hollow words that really don’t offer any kind of help. True support happens when you can imagine walking in someone else’s shoes and accepting their reality. This is where trained professionals like our home care team at AmeriBest Home Care Philadelphia, can relieve some of your worries about communicating in all the wrong ways. You can observe and listen to the aid or nurse, and mirror their approach. 

The Truth About Support

Let’s use the example of grief. Denial, anger, and grief are all part of the human process. Here you have a person who is, effectively, grieving for the life they once had. It’s common for others to feel uncomfortable with the emotions, and that’s where toxic positivity begins. 

We as a society are not taught how to openly discuss difficult scenarios, so we try to make a person feel better using the first, overused response that comes to mind. One example is, “choose happiness!” When the individual cannot seem to do that, they can begin feeling like something’s terribly wrong with them.  You’re certainly not doing this with any intent to harm. Learning effective validation takes time. 

Getting Help

When you reach a point where you know you simply cannot meet your loved one’s needs effectively, reach out. AmeriBest is a top home care agency located in Harrisburg and Philadelphia, PA. We take great pride in providing superior service, personalized according to your situation. You can contact us HERE, email info@ameribest.org, or call either of our offices:

Philadelphia: 215-925-3313

Harrisburg: 717-545-2920

Wise Caregiving Toxic Positivity vs Validation

The Parkinson’s Caregiver

The Parkinson's Caregiver

Each year April is National Parkinson’s Awareness Month. As a top in-home caregiver agency in Philadelphia, PA, we at AmeriBest home care encourage people to learn more about Parkinsons and what they can do during April to make a difference.

What is Parkinson’s Disease

Parkinson’s is a nervous system disorder, that primarily affects a person’s movement. The most common symptoms of the disease, which increase over time, include

  • Decreased Facial Expressiveness: Parkinson’s weakens facial muscles, so the person may show no signs of smiling or frowning.
  • Emotional Impact: Depression and behavior changes.
  • Fatigue.
  • Memory Loss. 
  • Muscle Stiffness: A Parkinson’s sufferer’s muscles never relax fully. Over time, this leads to limited motion, which is sometimes painful. 
  • Posture Changes: Over time it becomes difficult for someone with Parkinson’s to stand upright, and they may also experience balance issues.
  • Sleep Disruption
  • Slow Movement: Spontaneous movement becomes difficult with Parkinson’s. People move more slowly, shuffle, lower their speech volume, etc. In some instances, their gait may freeze temporarily.
  • Tremors: Starting as small as one finger or foot, tremors occur usually when the body is at rest. 

Men are at a higher risk for developing Parkinson’s. It usually begins around the age of 60, but sometimes manifests as early as age 50. Some cases of Parkinson’s are hereditary, while others come from a combination of environmental factors and genetic predisposition. 

Many people dismiss early signs of Parkinson’s thinking of them as an effect of the normal aging process. The signs begin on one side of the body, or in one limb of the body. Eventually, Parkinson’s affects the entire way the body functions.

How to Get Involved

  1. Donate toward further research and community assistance.
  2. If you have noticed worrisome symptoms, make an appointment with a neurologist for yourself (peace of mind is worth it).
  3. Participate in fundraising walks virtually: https://www.apdaparkinson.org/get-involved/optimism-walks/ 
  4. Put up links on your Facebook Page or personal webpage so people can find webinars and request publications.https://www.parkinson.org/parkinsons-awareness-month. 
  5. Visit someone you know with Parkinson’s to offer your support, or volunteer at a facility specializing in the disease. 

The Parkinson's Caregiver

 

Being a Parkinson’s Caregiver

When you discover your loved one has Parkinson’s Disease, you want to do your best to help them. But what does “help” in this situation really mean? It’s a challenging diagnosis with equally challenging daily issues. 

Tips for Effective Home Care

It might be tempting to take over responsibilities for your loved one. It’s a normal, but sometimes unnecessary, reaction. Let them do whatever they are capable of doing, for as long as they can. A sense of ongoing independence and self-sufficiency is important for mental wellbeing. Keep your dialog open to true needs. Have those tough conversations openly and honestly.

This is a complex disease. Learn all you can about Parkinson’s so you know what to expect. Nonprofit organizations like the National Parkinson’s Foundation have educational materials at the ready. Also, ask your health care provider and team for suggestions about community supports. The more you know, the less you’ll feel inadequate for the task ahead.

Going one step further, if your loved one will allow, come with them to each medical appointment. This gives you the opportunity to take notes and gain perspectives. 

Beyond these actions, watch every missive from insurance companies, making sure prescriptions and services are adequately covered, and likewise make sure this individual takes their medications properly. 

Need Help?

As Parkinson’s progresses, you may find you need professional assistance. AmeriBest caregivers are happy to step in and provide superior service for your loved one with Parkinson’s. We have a variety of services, one of which is sure to meet your needs. Our top home care agency offices stand by to review your request for information or reply to your email (info@ameribest.org). You can also call us:

Philadelphia 215-925-3313

Harrisburg 717-545-2929

Toll Free 1-800-HOMECARE

Caregiver burden and alcohol use

Depressed man holding a glass of whiskey, surrounded by alcohol bottles.

April is National Alcohol Awareness Month, during which organizations like AmeriBest Home Care in Harrisburg, PA endeavor to raise awareness about the growing number of people struggling with alcohol use. Among them, we see caregivers who have become overwhelmed, and really don’t know where to turn. Too little focus has been given to this situation, and it’s time to work together for solutions.

What Studies Show

Ongoing reviews of caregivers indicate that the emotional, social, and physical burdens of caregiving can overwhelm anyone. Attention from mental health professionals, social support groups, and home care agencies can help. No one expects to become an informal caregiver. Illness or injuries often occur out of the blue. 

5 Negative Impacts of Caregiving

So, suddenly you find yourself with heavy responsibilities that affect you in five main ways:

  1. Decreased quality of life
  2. Emotional overload
  3. Physical grind
  4. Social limitations
  5. Time constraints

To give more specific examples, there are

  • Financial management
  • Dealing with insurers
  • Exhaustion
  • Daily housekeeping
  • Errands and meals
  • Administration of medication
  • Moderating risk factors

Just to name a few. Bundled all together you have what’s called caregiver burden.

Having home health assistance typically results in longer lives for the infirmed. But it can turn into a nightmare when you’re going it alone. You can’t sleep, have headaches, get sick more often, etc. Alcohol becomes a tempting coping mechanism. 

Silhouette of a woman with two glasses of liquor, one brandy snifter and one cocktail glass.

Caregiving and Alcohol Abuse

When faced with the inability to provide the quality of care a loved one needs, people still often push themselves. They feel awkward about asking for help, guilty that they’re not doing enough, and the relationship between them and the infirmed becomes strained. Alcohol is readily available and easy to hide from the person for whom you care. 

Alcohol is certainly not an answer. The debilitating impact of alcohol puts loved ones at risk. In some instances, too much drinking leads to elder abuse. 

How Much is Too Much

American dietary guidelines state a man drinking more than four drinks daily, or 14 per week and women-three daily (7 per week) implies alcohol abuse. People on certain medications shouldn’t drink at all. If there are other alcoholics in the family, you may have a genetic predisposition to contend with as well.

Relief is Available

Did you know that you can have a friend or other family member caring for your loved one and get PAID for it? Government-funded programs include those for caregiving. There’s a beauty and great peace of mind in having someone help who is not a random stranger.

When a person joins the AmeriBest team in Harrisburg, PA, they become part of a network of skilled professionals dedicated to compassionate care. The chosen person receives all the training they need to keep individuals safe and secure in their homes. It becomes a very rewarding career path, and one where someone can take a more active role in their family, relieving a lot of the stress that can otherwise lead to alcohol abuse. 

If you would like more information on how you can get involved, contact us, email info@ameribest.org, or call our Harrisburg, PA office at 717-545-2920